Today, the movers came back again with the furniture and china stuff from the storage unit we had down in Florida. It wouldn't fit on the truck with all of our other stuff because they didn't plan the space well, so it's been sitting in a warehouse for the past few weeks waiting for a truck heading out to the Midwest. I got up at 8:15 to vacuum the dining room, which now has gone from an empty room to a room for holding all of the antique stuff again. :) As the day wore on, I helped mom bake bar cookies, vacuumed more of the house, and checked out a few things on the Westminster website. I watched 27 Dresses for lack of anything better to do this afternoon, and just because it's summer and I can spend time doing things like that. :) It helped keep my mind off of moving and not being in Florida and things for a little while, and you can never go wrong with that movie. :) Mom tried a new chicken recipe tonight since we didn't have the ingredients for how she normally fixes it, and it turned out really good.
Today is mom and dad's 27th wedding anniversary!!! It's really neat how they have been married for that many years, and have been through life with each other that long. I can only hope that one day I'm blessed to find a man like my dad and experience an adventurous and never-boring marriage like theirs. :) For their anniversary, mom got dad a polynesian gardenia reed diffuser from Pier 1. He loves the smell of gardenias and jasmine, even though they aren't "manly scents", as he says. When dad and I went to Pier 1 the other day, he had picked up the sample diffuser and kept smelling it and remarking how much he liked the smell, so when mom and I were in there yesterday I mentioned it to her. Dad had said that he needed to get something that smelled good for his office, but when I suggested he get the diffuser in the store, he had said he needed a "manly scent", so I guess if he doesn't want to take it to work he can always enjoy it on his desk at home. :)
I'm still struggling a lot with the emotional side of this move, and sometimes it's hard not to feel like I'm the only one in the family who isn't okay with things. Everyone else seems, at least outwardly, to be doing a lot better than I am emotionally, which is frustrating, because it certainly isn't fun to keep feeling this way. Although family truly is the most important thing, I do value the social life I had in Florida, both through the school I was familiar with and comfortable at, and with the irreplaceable "gang" I got to be a part of and pretty much grow up with. Emily was right when she said that she felt that we were different from typical high school friend groups- that we were truly going to all stick together and support each other throughout the rest of our lives because we had a Christian bond and had grown together through so much. We all genuinely care about each other and have loved being a part of each other's lives. If you can't tell already, I'm really missing my friends!! :(
They are my sisters and brothers in Christ as well, which surpasses the level of high school friends that think they'll be close forever and then drift away as life goes on. They're more than just typical high school friends, and sadly, the last few months I had in Jacksonville and at Providence were the months that I grew the closest with some of the friends in the group. I was just starting to feel like I had a rock solid group of friends that I could be a part of and truly fit into and feel comfortable and share things with, not only during senior year, but for a lifetime as well. I feel safe in saying that some of the friends I have back home are some that will be with me through every important step in my life, and I will be with them in theirs, even if that means being 900 miles away for senior year and then maybe even further for college.
And although moving doesn't mean they completely disappear from my lives or I do out of theirs, it is still really challenging and deeply saddening to me to know that I will not be able to be a part of the senior year we all had dreamt of spending together. It's okay that it's not all about me, but it's hard to know that the experiences and the bonding will still go on without me there, and I will miss everything, and never be able to go back and be a part of anything like those experiences, events, and bonding social moments again.
There's a reason that the high school experience is still so valued and almost revered, and a reason why upcoming seniors have looked forward to senior year and all that it holds for so long, and why many adults still talk about their experiences fondly. :) There seems- at least to me, still on the not-yet-experienced side of it all- to be value in the whole process of the final year, and especially in going through it with the same people, both friends and teachers, that you went through the other parts of the process (other years of school and life) with. The growing isn't meant to be done completely alone, and your friends and others in your life seem to be a big part of that growing up and closing the chapter of your life in addition to your family.
Looking at things from this side, it's hard for me to believe that I will really have a true senior experience at an unfamiliar place where I'm trying to get adjusted and make new friends, when I feel like all I should be doing senior year is making memories and doing some final bonding and maturing with the people I've already done most of the growing with. I think about someone I know who, when faced with making friends at college, struggled with it because she already had friends back home, so why would she need new ones? I have never felt more sympathetic to that statement. I can't help but feel that way, especially since we were just getting to the "good part" as high schoolers. I also know that senior year in high school will not be the peak of my life, but that doesn't diminish my desire to experience it all for myself in the setting I had always imagined it would be in.
Although I can't see how senior year at Westmister will be anything like what I had hoped for and imagined and planned for it to be at Providence, I'm hoping I prove myself wrong, because it would be really nice not to be miserable this year. :) And although I sound completely insecure and upset and still very unsure in all of this, which is partly true, I think it was a little cathartic to type out and put into writing some of the feelings I've been going through and the thoughts I've been wrestling with about the whole thing.
So, enough emotions now. I think this post did the two exact things I said I was going to try and avoid in the last post. Eventually I'll find a good balance between keeping it positive and being truthful about the emotions I'm working through. :) Haha. :)
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